Clara de http://www.revenus-comple
mentaires.info Toddler Who Spilled Orange Juice at Breakfast to Enter Rehab
by Michael Madshack, DP Assistant Editor
Tuesday, February 8th, 2011
CLEVELAND, OH —Reeling in shame and humiliation from his latest scandal, Ohio toddler Tyler Nguyen announced today he will be entering rehab. His decision to check himself into Cleveland’s St. Margaret Rehabilitation Center comes just days after the 30-month-old spilled a six-ounce glass of orange juice during breakfast.
Police arrived to the Nguyen home earlyFriday morning after receiving a frantic call from an unidentified family member, detailing the spillage of the Tropicana juice on Nguyen’s highchair and kitchen floor.
“Responders arrived at the scene to find Mr. Nguyen in a small puddle of orange juice, an empty ‘sippy cup’ on the floor, and his mother unwrapping a new role of paper towels,” said Cleveland police spokesperson Sgt. Sam Morris in a statement. Morris added the department would not be pressing charges at this time, however was arranging mandatory grief counseling for the Nguyen family during Tyler’s stay in rehab.
Obviously Friday’s orange juice incident was not Nguyen’s first. Last November the preschooler spent a full three meals having to sit an extra 16-inches away from the family’s kitchen table after upsetting a glass of milk. The previous week saw police again called to the Nguyen home after the tot spilled a 
bowl of cereal, leading Nguyen to a fit of laughter and consequently excreting in his pants. These and other incidents Nguyen profoundly apologized for at a press conference this morning.
“I’ve made some poor decisions recently. I’ve made some poor judgments. I’ve let people down,” said a sobbing Nguyen to reporters. “I’ve disappointed my family, my friends. I’ve made choices that have let my fans and supporters down, and it is clear I need professional help for my issues.”
“The stress of my career and relationships has proven too much,” Nguyen admitted. “Hopefully, the clinic’s proactive measures will help me deal with my problems.”
Once again, Nguyen’s family has come out publicly in support of the troubled boy.
“We all make mistakes,” Nguyen’s mother, Han, said. “He just needs to know that we love him and cherish him. Tyler needs our support in this trying time.”
Nationally renowned child psychologist, Dr. Ruth Peters, said on ABC’s Today Show that Nguyen’s most grueling days are about to begin, as the famed St. Margaret clinic will have him on a stiff regiment of meditation, dieting, addiction counseling, Mormonism, and intense group therapy with 
fellow toddlers and adult celebrities currently recycling rehab stays at the drop of the hat for the most inane and irrelevant offenses imaginable.
Explained Dr. Peters Monday, “With all the trauma the Nguyen family has been through, it’s good to see Tyler taking the initiative by entering rehab. His courage is to be commended, but also his intuition…He’s not even three and has already figured out how to exploit the idea of rehab and use it as a form of public self-flagellation rather than get any true or needed benefit out of it. This kid is brilliant!”
Continued Peters, “I hope little Tyler can pull his act together soon and make a full recovery. He’s got a whole lifetime of petty reasons and embarrassing exploits ahead of him to use as an excuse to abuse the system. He’ll need our full support.”
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UPDATE: In response to intense reader feedback proclaiming the above article was not funny, its author, Michael Madshack, has announced he will be entering rehab. We pray for Mike and his family and wish him a speedy recovery.
-Sincerely,
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