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mentaires.info Bristol Palin’s Baby Son to Release Memoirs, Too!
by Denise Half-Black-Half-White-Non-Biased-Female, DP staff
Friday, July 1st 2011,
(NEW YORK) —Age be damned when it comes to writing your memoirs. Not only has former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin’s 20-year-old daughter, Bristol, proven this with last month’s release of her first book, but it appears her baby son has also jumped on the premature memoir bandwagon.
Young in age but well ahead in self-promotion savvy, Bristol Palin’s toddler son, Tripp, announced today he will be releasing his memoirs later this year.
Fans of the 31-month-old grandson of Sarah Palin will be stunned and amazed at the treasure trove of information he will divulge in his upcoming book, according to his New York-based publicist, Kara McIntyre.
The book, “Scared Shitless: Put Me Back!” is rumored to be even more salacious than his mother’s current memoir, “Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far.” And mama Bristol has some stiff competition from her baby, claim literary critics who have read excerpts from the pending release. Tripp Palin is proving himself to be not only a true political baby, but a star in the making, according to Washington Post book critic Michael Dirda.
“This is a remarkably well-written book for a Palin, not to mention a two-and-a-half year old Palin,” Dirda said in Friday’s Washington Post edition. “Tripp Palin’s revelations about his birth, father Levi, his grandmother, and life in the limelight are incredibly detailed and authentic…I have no reason to suspect a ghost writer.”
Leaked excerpts from “Scared Shitless: Put Me Back!” have proved quite compelling, as they at times differ vastly from those of Tripp’s mother. According to Bristol, Tripp’s 
father, Levi Johnston, refused to cut his umbilical cord when he was born. However Tripp powerfully debunks that scenario, saying he had to sever his umbilical cord himself.
No one was willing to cut my damn cord. No one! It was so embarrassing,” writes Tripp. “I asked for the scissors, but my hands were too small to use them, so I had to chew through the (expletive) thing with my own teeth –but I didn’t have any teeth, so I had to gum through the bitch!”
Such a harrowingly rugged portrayal of himself abounds throughout the book. In another show of toughness, Tripp recounts how he handled his allegedly apathetic father. Having his first cold and fever at six weeks old, Tripp alleges papa Levi knew of his condition but still went out partying with friends. According to the toddler, when Levi returned home, “…it was 3 in the morning. Dad smelled like he had been with an old moose hooker. He bent over to kiss me. I promptly puked in his face. He’s lucky I didn’t punch him in the balls.”
Nor are Tripp’s political leanings left a mystery in his book. The teething tot makes his politics clear in recounting his time spent in the hospital nursery following his birth.
“These damn other babies around me would never shut up. They kept crying and crying for the slightest reasons. They would whine and scream non-stop. They couldn’t feed themselves, they couldn’t change themselves, they couldn’t do anything for themselves. Damn Democrats, all of ‘em! …. I began to sweat in a panic. I longed for my rifle.”
Adds Tripp after the experience: “The next time I saw Grandma Sarah I asked her if these Democrat babies would ever stop whining or crying. She gave me a stern look and stated flatly, ‘Sweetie, you know that cliché about things improving with age..? That is absolute bullshit.’"
Although readers will have to read the end of the book's 14 chapters to find out why it bears its bizarre title. According to Tripp, who was born six weeks after the election of Barack Obama, the state of the U.S. economy and other factors have left him with an 
unsettling revelation: send me back! Being born during the Obama presidency and the outlook for America have caused the 2 & 1/2 year old to question not only the timing of his birth, but whether he should have been born at all, claims the child. "At my age being pro-Life comes by default," admits the tot. "But I got to tell you, being born during the Obama years makes me seriously question my belief in the matter."
Tripp Palin's "Scared Shitless: Put Me Back!" is scheduled to hit the shelves in late Autumn, according to his publicist. Said McIntyre to Duh Progressive Friday, "This is a riveting, 200-plus page barnburner of an autobiography. We doubt if readers will be able to put it down without finishing it."
According to McIntyre, Tripp Palin’s uncanny sense of perception and cynicism reveals a natural born pundit, not afraid to challenge the powers that be, even if those powers are his own mother. Tripp allegedly takes no prisoners in addressing his mother’s appearance on Dancing With the Stars. “I’ve seen the clips of Mom…I could have done a better job at the time, and I couldn’t even walk across the (expletive) room!” reads an excerpt from the book. “Guess I should go on next season and just flop around and crap my pants…I’d probably last longer.”
Advanced copies go on sale next month on line and at the nation’s eight remaining retail book stores. An anonymous source close to the Palin family said that if sales are not strong for Tripp, he will write another memoir based on his time spent writing this first memoir.
UDPATE: Since this story was released, it has been rumored that Tripp’s future son, Tucker, still 22 years to be conceived, is also begun writing his memoirs.
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