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mentaires.info Parents Fear Current Vampire Craze May Lead Kids to See Shitty Movie About Vampires
by Michael Madshack, DP Assistant Editor
Monday, November 28th, 2011,
(UNITED STATES) —Drugs, sex, gangs, crime, violence, Satan worshiping, human sacrifice, hot candle wax on the… These are things every parent worries their child may succumb to during their volatile teen years.
But for area mom Yvette Johansen, 40, such fears have given way to a new terror, as the Twilight movie-inspired vampire craze continues to sweep the nation, engulfing teens in a macabre pseudo world of blood-sucking, necrophilia, vampirism, and ultimately: seeing the newest shitty Twilight film, Breaking Dawn. Johansen said her 13-year-old daughter, Shauna, began to “concern” her when she returned from school last week with bite marks on her neck, which had broken the skin and lacerations on her wrists.
“Come to find out, she and her male classmates had been playing ‘vampire;’ sucking each others’ blood, biting to where they broke the skin, and engaging in group sex under the school auditorium at lunch!” said a distraught Johansen to Duh Progressive Tuesday. On top of the litany of drug and alcohol offenses her troubled teen had already received prior, her newest fascination with vampirism only added to Johansen’s maternal distress. “But then came the worst news any parent could receive,” said Johansen, breaking down in tears, “I found used movie stubs in her coat pocket, and Shauna admitted she had seen the new Br…Break…Breaking Dawn movie. No! Why? Why?!”
Indeed, as the current obsession with the undead lifestyle may lead their teens to unorthodox and bizarre behavior, parents admit they are being driven mad with anxiety; the prospect of such immersion into vampire culture leading their kids to see the newest of the nauseating Twilight movie series proving too much to bear.
San Diego child psychologist Deborah Cohen, PhD., says that for many parents, the biting, sex, sucking of blood and the health risks therein is surprisingly the least of their worries. Like many 
parents, Cohen is also concerned such behavior may lead teenagers to go see the film Breaking Dawn, the latest overrated, predictable, shitty snore-of-a-film in the Twilight vampire saga.
“This craze is as threatening to kids as any drug,” said Dr. Cohen to Duh Progressive Tuesday. “This vampire chic is resulting in teens biting each other and consuming each others’ blood to show affection. In some cases it has even led to psychotic behavior and Satanic rituals…But make no mistake: the biggest threat this fad poses is to convince young adults to see this shitty-ass movie, Breaking Dawn! Jesus, it’s horrible!”
Eileen Lopez of El Paso, TX, and mother of 12 and 14 year old girls says she fears the current mass make-believe genre of horny vampirism will actually induce her impressionable daughters to the world of severely over-hyped, predictably stale, poorly acted, typical Hollywood, pubescent horror-film trash.
Lopez even called 9-1-1 last Sunday after her daughters’ admitted their desire to see the film. Below is the transcript:
OPERATOR: “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”
LOPEZ: “Help, help! My daughters came home from school with bites on their neck and arms. They’re bleeding!”
OPERATOR: “Ma'am, just calm down. Have they been assaulted, ma’am?”
LOPEZ: “No. They wanted it done!
OPERATOR: “Are you requesting an ambulance?”
LOPEZ: “No, but they are talking about going to see that crap-ass movie, Breaking Dawn!”
OPERATOR: “Oh, dear God! We’re sending out an ambulance right away!”
The U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration and the Center for Disease Control issued a rare joint press release Monday, alerting parents of the warning signs their children may have become so 
consumed with pretending to be vampires that they have seen or desire to see the nightmarishly bland Breaking Dawn.
“We cannot urge parents to remain vigilant about this strongly enough,” read the statement. “Faced with the possibility of America’s children being lead down a path of nihilistic depravity beyond imagination, eventuating in the viewing of Breaking Dawn, we highly advice parents to promote remaining with the sex, drugs, and gang violence their children are use to already.”
Continued the DEA and CDC’s statement, “We simply cannot risk the nation’s youth seeing a film of this shitty, this banal. We advise everyone to reject the ‘vampire chic’ promoted by these (Twilight) movies, for fear that someone may actually see them. If too many of our nation’s youth become exposed to this newest Twilight movie, then our fight for them to be able to tell what’s absolute cinematic shit from non-shit may be lost forever.”
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