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''Ambivalent Particular Days!'' - Michelle Obama Declares ''Happy Holidays'' Not Inclusive Enough

 



by Jack Lakeman, DP Editor-in-Chief

Friday, December 2nd, 2011,

(WASHINGTON) —Watch what you say this time of year, because “Happy Holidays” is no longer apropos, according to the nation’s first lady. 

    Speaking to reporters immediately after the annual White House Christmas tree lighting Thursday evening, Michelle Obama expressed her discomfort with the increasingly popular “Happy Holidays” term, stating she hoped Americans start embracing a seasonal term even more inclusive.

    Said Obama, “We’ve made great strides in accepting all Americans this time of year; from saying ‘Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah,’ to then including Kwanza, and now just ‘Happy Holidays.’  But we still have a long way to go.”

    According to Obama, “Happy Holidays” can seem cruel and insensitive to many, as it neglects those who are indeed not happy or holy during the season, hence the “holy” in “holidays."

    “We must think before we speak,” said the First Lady, also addressing a small crowd of local school children at the ceremony.  “There are many people out there who find this time of year depressing, and who don’t consider themselves ‘holy.’  They also need to be included this time of year.  I personally greet people and say, ‘Ambivalent Particular Days!’  And that works for me.  It includes everybody.”

    The first lady went on to explain the meaning of her newly-found phrase: “ambivalent” standing for those who may not feel happy and/or conflicted during the season, and “particular days” for the non-religious, while still recognizing this time of year as being out of the ordinary.

    “It may be wishful thinking on my part,” said a glinting Obama, “but I hope to hear us all saying ‘Ambivalent Particular Days’ this time next year!” 

    Rumors quickly erupted among Washington pundits and the blogosphere as to whether such statements by Obama marked a shift in her priorities –from promoting healthier diets for America’s children to now combating already exceedingly empty, meaningless, nauseating expressions for the Christmas season.  But first lady spokesperson, Katie McCormick-Lelyveld dismissed such rumors Friday morning. 

    Said McCormick-Lelyveld, “The first lady has not shifted her public priorities in the least.  Mrs. Obama is still firmly committed to ensuring no child in America ever eats or drinks anything they will remotely enjoy.”  

    But long-time White House observer and veteran reporter E. J. Dionne said Friday that it is time the melancholy, the emotionally conflicted, and non-religious are recognized during the late fall and early winter.

   "Not that I'm telling (Michelle Obama) what to do," said Dion in his Friday Washington Post column, "but I think this is a long ignored and serious issue in America, certainly more serious than childhood obesity....When we say 'Happy Holidays,' that disrespects millions of people who either do not observe faith-based occasions, or else feel stressed, depressed, or are simply planning which sort of high-powered assault rifle to bring to their workplace Christmas parties....We are ignoring the very spirit this season is based on."

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