Clara de http://www.revenus-comple
mentaires.info ‘Occupy DC’ Protesters Finally Being Forced to Reoccupy Mom’s Basement
by Ledge Slater, official DP jock
Wednesday, February 1st, 2012,
(WASHINGTON) —The eternal spring of hope, dreams, sophistication, and plain old fun that had been one of the last strongholds of the Occupy Wall Street movement is apparently coming to an end.
National Park Police and District of Columbia authorities began enforcing a “no camping” rule on DC’s Freedom Plaza and McPherson Square Monday, putting pressure on protestors that is causing many to finally give up their ground and return home to reoccupy mom’s basement.
Park police said the “occupiers” have been in violation of the federal ban on sleeping and camping in Washington DC’s McPherson Square and Pennsylvania Avenue’s Freedom Plaza for months, but have up until now been allowed to do so “out of the city’s good graces.” But as complaints over the encampment’s affect on tourism and local businesses mount, authorities hope the no camping enforcement will make life so uncomfortable for protesters that they will leave voluntarily, sparing the District any of the unsightly violence other cities experienced when evicting their Occupiers.
On the other hand, hundreds of parents of DC’s Occupiers have enjoyed (at the city’s expense…and expense) freedom from their seemingly home-bound, aging man-children for months. However the growing frustration with Occupy DC is putting many demonstrators back on a collision course with moldy couches, carpets pockmarked with cigarette burns, and matted futons; all the typical amenities of the cavernous dwellings beneath their parents’ domiciles from whence they emerged.
Seeing the writing on the wall for the Occupy DC movement, Rochester University graduate Patricia Sandgren, 25, said she is reluctantly packing up her tent, clothes, and rape prevention kit and 
heading back to her parent’s suburban Maryland home, where she had been living since returning from college in 2008. “My toiletries, my tent, two sets of clothes, glass dragon pipe, my dedication —they all have to come with me now, I guess,” said a saddened Sandgren to Duh Progressive Tuesday. Sandgren said she has called her parents in Redland, Maryland, and told them that after four months of protesting, she is finally heading home, requesting they not change the locks to their house like they did the last time she left to attend Burning Man.
“I guess I should donate this anti-rape kit to a shelter or something,” a solemn Sandgren said as she packed up Tuesday. “After all, back at home, what will I need with this cork and mouse trap, and this curry-flavored chewing gum and sacred sage-scented underwear? They should go to someone more at risk now than me.”
Back in Redland though, Sandgren’s mother, Janet, said she is proud of her daughter’s dedication to the “99-percent”, however wished her daughter could return home with “99-percent of her smell and personal habits” left behind in McPherson Square.
“We’re welcoming our daughter home from her voyage for social justice…yet again,” sighed Mrs. Sandgren Tuesday. Standing in her front doorstep with arms folded, Sandgren said she and husband, Erik, knew the day would come when their beloved daughter would be returning, and so kept her dwelling in their basement relatively unchanged since she left in September, except for some minor cleaning, casual disinfecting, repainting, recarpeting, refurnishing, and a series of pest exterminations. 
Said Mrs. Sandgren, 59, through clenched teeth Tuesday. “We just can’t tell you how, umm, ‘thrilled’ we are that our little girl is coming back to spend another three years living off…I mean with us. Oh, joy!”
Lynx McFadden, 39, had already returned home to his mom’s basement in Manassas, VA, Monday, claiming he would rather leave willingly and keep all his belongings, lice included, than be arrested by police and never see his possessions again. “My mom was a little worried about me over the last few months,” said McFadden to Duh Progressive Tuesday, “but she couldn’t be more pleased to see me home and keep fighting the good fight from my couch next to the laundry room.”
Desperate Parents Alert Returning Kids to Other Global Injustices
As basements and childhood bedrooms become reoccupied with former Occupy DC demonstrators, so has parents’ increased awareness of other human rights issues around the world. Lynx McFadden’s parents, Arthur and Regina, wasted no time in informing their returning 39-year-old son of the lingering social injustices that he “must simply go out and stop at once,” according to Mr. McFadden, 67.
Peering down the dingy staircase leading to his son’s newly reoccupied cellar lair, Mr. McFadden called down to his son Tuesday, relaying recent news items and topics. “What about the gays, son? Don’t they still need help getting their rights and all?”
“No, dad!” Lynx groaned from his renewed nest on the basement sofa. “They can get married now! Just don’t say ‘fag’!”
“Oh. Well, son, what about American Indians?!”
“They have casinos now, dad. Nobody cares!”
“What about animal rights?” shouted Mr. McFadden.
“Just keeping watching ‘Whale Wars’!”
“Uhh…Ah-ha: Black disenfranchisement?!
“Two words: ‘Barack,’ and ‘Obama’!”
“Ahh, shit,” Mr. McFadden muttered, his head hanging in defeated despair.
Back in Washington, federal judge James E. Boasberg ruled Tuesday that Park Police have the right to enforce the camping ban, consequently sending more 20 to 50-year-old protesters packing for mom’s basement again. Judge Boasberg, an Obama appointee, also issued a public apology to the parents of the protesters for his ruling which will eventually reunite them for what undoubtedly will seem like an eternity.
“It is with great regret that I must make this ruling today, and in so further curse once liberated parents again with the shackles that are their naïve, bratty, insolent, grubby, logically and hygienically impaired kids,” read Judge Boasberg’s statement. “God forgive me, but it is the law.”
Arriving Tuesday night on a bus to his widowed mother’s home in Annapolis, Maryland, McPherson Square occupier Martin Sherman, 36, somberly unpacked his backpack, his favorite editions of Socialist Worker magazine, and an occasional scampering rat. “My mom’s been asking me what went wrong and why I’ve come home so soon. So soon? I’ve been gone for four months!” Sherman said to Duh Progressive Wednesday.
Sitting dispiritedly on the throne of incalculable stains that was his couch in his mother’s basement, Sherman was quick to slide back into home life mode, calling upstairs to for his favorite meal: “Ma’, meatloaf!”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do now,” said Sherman’s mother, Rose, 60, as she hurriedly prepared her grown child’s favorite dinner. “All this time in Washington, which has done pretty well during the recession, and you’d think Martin would have found a job so he could stay there.”
“Maybe my Marty will discover what he wants to do in life now, or go fight for another cause,” continued a bleak-looking Mrs. Sherman before being interrupted again by the bellows of her son, “Ma! Yo, ma’, damn it! Meatloaf!”
Like other parents of returning Occupiers, Rose Sherman was quick to disclose news of other struggles for equality and human rights around the world. “You know, Marty, I hear they are having a lot of trouble over in Syria right now,” said a weary-eyed Mrs. Sherman as she brought a serving of meatloaf down to her son Wednesday. “I hear they’re really oppressed over there. Gee, don’t you think you better go over there and help out?”
“No,” replied Martin, “I prefer to struggle for more abstract issues far too complex for me to understand.”
“But they’re dying over there, Marty!” Mrs. Sherman said. “They really could use your help to free them. I’ll pay for your plane ticket. I’ll pay your cab fare! I’ll even call the Assad regime to let them know you’re coming. They’ll fix you up with the best tent to sleep in, like before. I promise!”
Younger siblings of returning DC Occupiers are also having to adjust to living again with their older activist kin. Martin Sherman’s brother, 21-year-old Derrick, an avid gamer and World of Warcraft enthusiast, said he did not understand his older brother’s fervor for the Occupy movement and wished he would have remained home to tend to more pertinent issues.
Engrossed in a round of Warcraft, Derrick said of his brother’s return Wednesday, “Like, I don’t know why Marty has to go off for months to ‘save the world,’ when I’ve been losing the Kingdom of Lordaeron to the great Scourge right here for weeks!”
Share this article
