Colossal Orgy in London Turning Into Worldwide Sporting Event!
(From WIRES)
Tuesday, July 31st, 2012,
(LONDON) —Every two years, thousands of young, attractive, fit, healthy, hormone-busting beauties from around the globe descend upon a major world city for two weeks of non-stop writhing, bumping, humping, jumping, grinding and churning; the Earth’s hottest human specimens spending days on end engaged in virtual non-stop orgiastic carnage the likes of which would make ancient Rome blush with shock.
The traditional gathering, dating back to 776 B.C., has become such that dozens of condoms are now given to each of its young, strapping participants, as well as brochures warning of sexuality transmitted diseases and advocating safe sex practices. However, like all years, amidst mass moaning and groaning from the chosen city of London, a bizarre and disconcerting thing is happening —the sex participants are being woken up after their nights of carnal rampaging and being forced to again put their bodies to use…in sports!
Yes, in effect, among the time-honored event of a wanton, worldwide “sexcapade,” actual athletic competition has erupted, strangely morphing into what is becoming commonly known as the “Summer 
2012 Olympics.”
Russian gymnast Yuri Lenshenkov arrived in London three days before the opening ceremonies to the summer 2012 Olympics. By the morning after the ceremonies, the 24-year-old Olympic two-time medalist had used all of the measly 15 condoms he and fellow athletes were issued by the International Olympic Committee, including countless other sexual encounters Lenshenkov said he “simply didn’t have time” to use condoms for.
By the time of this posting, Yuri will have undoubtedly racked up over 300 sexual encounters with young women of all races, colors, creeds, nationalities…not to mention a couple effeminate men from Honduras’s swim team. “But then a strange thing happened,” recalled a downtrodden Lenshenkov through his translator Monday evening. “Sunday morning my gym coach came pounding on my door and ordered me to get up and go to a stadium and compete –in gymnastics! I was like, ‘What the hell?’ But he told me we hadn’t flown all the way from Moscow just for me to ‘make sexy time until my brains shoot out’.”
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The two Ethiopian pole vaulters, Spain's female volleyball team captain, and two Swedish soccer players who had been shacking up with Lenshenkov inside London’s makeshift “Olympic Village” also had to go compete in their sports Sunday and Monday as well. The news was just as disappointing to the five black, brown and 
blonde beauties as it was to Lenshenkov. But such shock, disappointment, and sometimes outright anger are far from uncommon, according to Bruno Prellegrini, Italy’s Vice President on the International Olympic Committee.
“Every Olympic year we go through this. It's quite sad. The athletes end up realizing why they’re really here (for sports, not sex),'' Prellegrini told Duh Progressive Monday. “We let them know this weeks –even months– ahead of the events, but they never listen. And so many get upset when they find out that they actually have to perform in the sports they’ve spent their whole lives training for, not lay around their hotels’ pools or jacuzzis and…how do you Americans say...to make-a de ‘bumpin’ di uglies’ all day.”
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Like a steamy splicing of The Night Before Christmas and Bob Guccione’s Caligula, most athletes spend the time leading up the Olympics not with sugarplums, but sugar of a far different sort dancing through their heads. According to Olympic officials and coaches, this year has been no different, as the 10,000-plus athletes in London are coming to the sad reality that indeed, they were sent to represent 
and compete athletically for their countries, not just plunged themselves into two weeks of mind-blowing sexual euphoria in the glistening, salty, twisting seas of fleshy lust-filled humanity for which Olympic nights are notorious.
For Chilean diver Gloria Rossi, being told she had to stop being the endless conduit for North African and Mediterranean sexual release has been almost too much to bear.
“Three Moroccans, two Frenchmen, five Spaniards –all in two nights! Now it’s all over and I have to jump off this (expletive) diving board all day!” wept the 22-year-old Santiago native and winner of a bronze medal in 2008 for her 60-foot armstand dive. “They did the same thing to us in Beijing. It’s not fair! You can’t just throw the youngest, fittest, most attractive people in the world together and expect us to work, aside from on each other.”
Sobbing as she made her way up the diving ladder Tuesday afternoon for a reverse 75-foot plunge, Rossi added, “G--damn Olympic judges should have seen my performance with those South Korean and 
Australian guys last night —now that was (expletive) gold medal-worthy!”
Former Olympians attending the London games empathize with the current batch of athletes. Said 1960 U.S. Olympic basketball team player Jerry Ray Lucas outside London’s basketball arena Monday, “Yeah, I remember. We were no different then. You walk around and see the most attractive people from all over the world; women of every size and color, so mysterious, all strangely curious about you, and you about them. …Think I must have ‘invaded’ at least two dozen countries during those games, heh heh heh…!”
Added Lucas, grinning devilishly, his eyes glazed over with lecherous memories, “Yeah, my teammates and I won them all; bronze, gold...I don’t mean medals, I mean skin colors! Ten-thousand hormonal 20-year olds with bodies like Greek gods housed together within a few blocks for two weeks…? My God, any Olympian who goes home with their genitals still intact deserves a medal just for that! What can I say, diversity can really kicks ass. And I mean ass!”
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