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September 11th to Be Officially Known as ‘‘National Muslim Shut the F**k Up Day’’




by Michael Madshack, DP Assistant Editor

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013,

(NEW YORK) — Call it intolerant, call it insensitive, or perhaps call it “right on,” but the American Council of National Name Dedications has for the first time since the terrorist attacks of September 11th, 2001, declared the date to be officially known as “National Muslim Shut the Fuck Up Day.”

     The council’s stunning declaration comes on the heels of the “Million Muslim March” (officially deemed the Million American Muslim March Against Fear), organized by the American Muslim Political Action Committee for this coming September 11th on Washington’s National Mall.   The AMPAC has described the march as promoting peace and harmony between American Muslims and non-Muslims, but more so to bring attention to how U.S. Muslims are discriminated against in American; depicted in its media and routinely fall under suspicion due to their faith since 9/11/01. 

    Regardless of its intensions, the Million Muslim March has sparked outrage throughout the nation (including at least two Muslim Americans…or three) for the date on which it is being held, a day Americans pause to mourn the victims of 9/11/01 at the hands of Muslim terrorists.  

     According to the Director of the New York–based American Council of National Name Dedications, Jonathan McPherson, September 11th is anything but an appropriate day for American Muslims to march in protest of how mischaracterized and picked upon they are. In fact, said McPherson, September 11th should be a day when Americans of all faiths should unite to mourn the victims of 9/11/01 and honor all those who have died at the hands of Islamic terrorism.

     “I can’t think being in more ‘poor taste’ than to have a march like this on this horrific and most solemn of days” said McPherson to reporters, Tuesday. McPherson, a professor of Asian and Middle Easter Cultural Studies at Columbia University, lost his brother-in-law in the World Trade Center on 9/11/01 and is the ultimate decision maker among the 24-member American Council of National Name Dedications.

     Added McPherson, 58, “Unless (Muslims) were rallying against radical Islam and Muslim terrorism on September 11th, I can’t see where any other themed rally would be appropriate. If American Muslims think they’re going to score brownie points with the rest of America by this, they’re sorely mistaken. …This is a slap in the face to non-Muslim Americans, not a call for unity. That’s why we decided the officially name September 11th ‘National Muslim Shut the Fuck Up Day’.”

   The American Council of National Name Dedication (ACNND) is a civilian advisory board to the White House and Congress on naming and dedicating various days and weeks of the year to specific events and causes. It is comprised of university deans, heads of think tanks and non-profit organizations throughout the country. It has influenced Congress in formally naming days and weeks such as National Breast Cancer Awareness Week, Prostate Cancer Awareness Day, National Week Against Domestic Violence, AIDS Awareness Day, Gay Pride Month (June), and more specifically National Gay Pride Day, stemming from the infamous police raid on New York’s Stonewall Inn in 1969.

   Evidently the ACNND is rather non-biased, if not Left-leaning in the causes it pushes for national recognition. Thus it was not flinching in responding to this year’s Million Muslim March in Washington on 9/11, yet in a most sardonic way. With 18 of its 24 members simply voting “present” on the issue of naming September 11th “National Muslim Shut the Fuck Up Day,” and three members voting “no” on the “STFU” name, two voting “yes” and Dr. McPherson having the ultimately deciding vote, the group technically decided on Monday that every September 11th is to be deemed “National Muslim Shut the Fuck Up Day.”

   Decent: “This vote of ours is a sad chapter in America and this nation coming together on its most tragic of days,” said Wilma Navarro, Ph.D, Professor of Erroneous Cultural Excuses and head of Duke University’s Department of Continuous Ethnic and Faith Grievances. Navarro was one of the three “no” votes Monday, and claims the ACNND’s decision to officially declare 9/11 “National Muslim Shut the Fuck Up Day” was personal on the part of Jonathan McPherson and two other members she refused to name.

    “I’m seriously thinking of resigning from the (ACNND),” Navarro said. “These poor Muslims just want to be heard. They want nothing but to let the nation know how misunderstood and oppressed Muslims are in America. It just so happens their rally comes on the same day as the worst terrorist attack in history that cost three-thousand American lives at the hands of, umm, Muslims. So what? I don’t see the poor taste in that.”


Organizers, Americans React to 9/11 Being “National Muslim Shut the Fuck Up Day”

   “I’m about as liberal as you can get, but a Million Muslim Rally-for-anything seems a bit tasteless on September 11th,” said Manhattan resident Angela Park to Duh Progressive Tuesday.  Park, 31, was a freshman at New York University on 9/11/01, and recalls having to evacuate and wear protective masks as the toxic soot from the collapsed Twin Towers enveloped the city.

   “I have Muslim friends and they’re pretty mute on the matter, unfortunately,” continued Park. “But why…WHY hold a rally for ‘unity’ on 9/11 when anyone who visits the (Million Muslim March’s) web site can see it’s ultimately about them holding a huge pity party for themselves? I’d be cool if they held a rally against terrorism in the name of religion or for religious unity on any other day, but for this…on September 11th..? Sorry, Muslim Americans, but on September 11th, please, just SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

   Million Muslim March Against Fear organizer MD Rabbi Alam (not the Jewish “Rabbi”) strongly denounced the ACNND’s narrow decision to name 9/11 “National Muslim Shut the Fuck Up Day,” issuing a statement Tuesday:

“Our ‘Million Muslim March Against Fear’ was never meant to incite anger from non-Muslim Americ..bssspttt..!...I’m sorry; I simply can’t keep a straight face while writing this bullshit…. …Anyway, for twelve years Muslims have been scrutinized and stereotyped as terrorists and extremists in America, and this rally is meant to demonstrate our rejection of such stereotypes. …The ‘official’ name of ‘National Muslim Shut the Fuck Up Day’ is an affront to us all. American Muslims have a right to feel sorry for ourselves like every other ethnic group in the U.S. that feels sorry for themselves. It’s an American tradition that we Muslims also take pride in. Forget that the vast majority of terrorist acts in the world currently are committed by Muslims… What better day to focus on the plight of American Muslims than on the same day a group of Muslims carried out the worst terrorist attack in history? …Like, what’s the problem here? …We are peaceful people, longing only to be pitied, specifically on this day, September 11th. …Oh, and if you don’t recognize us as a ‘religion of peace’ and pity us on this day, we’ll fucking slaughter you!”

   National President of the Japanese American Citizens League, David Lin, told reporters Tuesday that his organization, which actually celebrates Japanese assimilation and contributions to America, had planned a rally last year similar to the Million Muslim March. But, according to Lin, “We applied for a permit to rally (on the National Mall), but every day was already taken by a group demonstrating for something. The only day that was available for us was December 7th. Needless to say, we turned it down. It just wouldn’t have ‘looked good,’ you know? …Kind of like having a Muslim March on September 11th –it just doesn’t fucking look good! So please, dear Muslim Americans, take our advice: on September 11th, just be humble, respectful, and SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

     Unlike the American Muslim Political Action Committee, other groups have refrained from holding rallies in Washington on certain days, such as the “National Rifleman Sharp-Shooter Day” rally on November 22nd, the “German American Pride Parade” on January 30th in front of the National Holocaust Museum, the “Confederate Soldier Remembrance Rally” on April 4th, the “Atomic Energy Committee Recognition Day” on August 6th, and the “Million American Militia Member Rally” on April 19th.  

     Said Dr. Zuhdi Jasser, President of the Islamic Forum for Democracy via phone interview to Duh Progressive Tuesday, “I’m a proud Muslim American and abhor what the (American Muslim Political Action Committee) is doing with this rally on September 11th.  It’s beyond poor taste. It’s really meant to smear the face of America with a subliminal message of ‘We’re here and we’re going to complain and complain and complain about our stereotyping until all non-Muslims agree that we fit that stereotype, just by the mere fact that they’re getting tired of us complaining’. …It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy of theirs.”

     Added Dr. Jasser, “I’m just so thankful that me, the one positive example of an American Muslim hasn’t had his input placed at the end of this article, so that everyone reading it barely knows there are anti-Million Muslim March Muslims out there, willing to defend American and Western liberal societies. Gee, thank you, Duh Progressive!”

UPDATE: Congress and the White House have promptly rejected the American Council of National Name Dedications’ recommendation that in response to the 9/11 Million Muslim March on Washington that September 11th forever be deemed “National Muslim Shut the Fuck Up Day.” Professor Jonathan McPherson has been fired from his position at Columbia University and was arrested Tuesday afternoon by Homeland Security agents on charges of “inciting intolerance leading to possible violence.” In response, Duh Progressive urges all Muslim Americans marching for anything but religious unity, peace, love, and respect, to do the nation a favor…and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Thank you.

SERIOUS NOTE: Duh Progressive reserves the day of 9/11 to NOT to be funny (not that we have ever been), but rather biting, vindictive and indeed ruthless against those whom we believe degrade, diminish, and/or exploit the atrocities committed on September 11th, 2001. Although this is mainly a satirical website, we choose September 11th, above all other days, to speak against those who use 9/11 other than to mourn the victims of Islamist terrorism everywhere, but especially in America, to which people around the world have struggled and died to reach, in hopes of escaping the types of events we endured on 9/11/01.   If our readers wish to know just how serious we are about this, please read our TRUE OP-ED from last year: http://www.duhprogressive.com/index.php/true-op-ed/270-eleven-years-later-explaining-my-911-breakdown

Thank you.  



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