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Aspiring Rapper Just Longs to Be the First to Sing About ‘‘Doing It All Night Long’’


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(From WIRES)

(MELBOURNE, FL) —College freshman and marine biology major Darnell Rogers is an A-student with big dreams. But Rogers’ dreams are not about cleaning the oceans, or solving the mystery behind massive fish kills, stopping oxygen-eating algae, or even curing a whale’s flatulence.   Nope.

     Rogers is using his parents’ money and his scholarship for the Florida Institute of Technology to dream of achieving something Rogers says no one has done before: to become the first rapper or R&B musician to sing about having sexual intercourse all night long.

     “I always liked fish and underwater sea life of all kinds, but my real secret passion has been music and rapping, the whole hip-hop genre,” said the 19-year-old, who admits to devoting most of his time (and parents’ money) not studying marine biology, picking a concentration, interning, or planning on turning his major into a career after college. “I’ve just have been into rap and R&B songs since as young as I can remember, and I’ve never heard a rap or R&B artist yet just sing about ‘bumping uglies’ all night. I’ve heard R&B singers and rap artists talk about everything in their songs except having sex all night long. … I think it’s an important topic that finally has to be addressed through the wonder of hip-hop music.”

      Added Rogers, “Oh, and ‘baby’ …R&B singers just hardly ever use the word ‘baby’ in their songs that much. I hope to change that while I’m studying marine biology.” 

     Having just turned 19 years old, the intercourse-duration-obsessed Darnell is lucky if he personally can do it for all of three minutes, never mind all night, as he aspires to sing about as a career after his parents’ tens-of-thousands of dollars are spent and he walks across the stage with a degree in anything but rapping about doing it all night long.

      “I mean, like, ‘doin’ it all night long’, that’s just so important in a relationship, gay or straight.   I know my folks spent forty thousand dollars to help build me a career in nautical biology and to help save the fish and all…but really, isn’t there anyone out there that’s simply singing the glories of being able to have sex from sundown to sunrise?” said Darnell to Duh Progressive.   “I’ve been such a music and hip-hop fan all my life, and yet I can’t get over how little hip-hop artists sing about ‘doing bitchez all night long’.”

     Darnell’s parents have reportedly supported their son’s new-found love and desire to promote “bumping uglies” all night long, and have also told him he can find his own place to live once he has succeeded in corning that so seldom-themed market in the hip-hop world.

     Darnell is currently living on a friends’ couch.


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