- Bill Maher

ROLE REVERSAL: Illegitimate Child Admits Fathering 16 NBA Players

(From WIRES)

Monday, October 10, 2011,

(BRONX, NY) —In a bizarre twist of roles, New York infant Bradley Wright finally confessed to what many long suspected, admitting he was more than likely the father of at least 16 National Basketball Association players, according to sources last Friday.   The relieving confession came after weeks of phone calls to his home by irate strippers, waitresses, attorneys’ letters, and impromptu visits from state child welfare officials, all claiming he had irresponsibly sired players from 10 of the nation’s 30 NBA teams.

     “After lots of soul searching and discussions with his family, his friends and his Lord, my client is ready to assume responsibility for these fatherless players and their families,” said little Bradley’s attorney, Harold Smorgenson, to reporters Friday afternoon. “This is one illegitimate infant who is ready to admit his mistakes and redeem his previous reckless lifestyle.”

     Although reports remain sketchy, sources close to the Wright family confirm their illegitimate baby has admitted being the father of Los Angeles Lakers’ Shannon Brown, Boston Celtics' Sasha Pavlovic, Miami Heat’s Joel Anthony, Chicago Bull’s Taj Gibson, New York Knicks’ guard Anthony Carter and forward-center Amar'e Stoudemire, the New Jersey Nets’ Brook Lopez, and even the Dallas Maverick’s power forward Dirk Nowitzki­­­­. 

     Other current and retired NBA players have been notified of baby Bradley’s admissions, and thus their sacred paternal link to him, according to Wright family sources last Friday.  And according to those same sources, the 40-week-old Bradley stated last Friday, “So what? –I gotta little juiced while on tour, banged some (females) –can’t remember their faces.   When you’re on the road, from city to city, all these (women) come at you, throwing themselves at you, and what can you do, ya know?  I can only smack them away so fast, then they just overwhelm me…I guess I made some mistakes.  I made some mistakes, okay!  Now where’s my bottle?”

     “I’m just glad dad has come forward and identified himself finally,” said the Maverick’s’ Dirk Nowitzki last Saturday. “I didn’t want to know for money. I don’t want a dime.  I just appreciate the sense of closure.”-*

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