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mentaires.info Mysterious Mass Bird Deaths Continue to Rock Nation, NFL
Monday, January 17, 2011
(SEATTLE) —The strange and inexplicable phenomena of mass bird deaths continued throughout the nation over the weekend, with new bird kills now being found in various stadiums of the National Football League.
Officials from the Environmental Protection Agency remain on the scenes of the baffling carnage, beginning on Hines Field in Pittsburgh, where 53 large purple crows apparently dropped dead in the middle of the field Saturday after only 15 minutes of gallant flight.
Hours later in the Georgia Done, dozens of once fearless falcons fell to their deaths, subsequently having their lifeless corpses trampled beneath giant green men from a state with chronic constipation issues. Finally, Chicago’s Soldier Field was witness to more bizarre bird mortality, as an already wounded flock of sea hawks flew over the stadium and landed dead on the field Sunday. 
“I have not seen a bird kill this bad since the early 80s,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell during a joint press conference with the EPA Monday. “The EPA and universities near the kill sites are doing their best to discern why these deaths happened and when they may strike next.”
EPA spokesperson John Quarles said that the agency has been looking into the cause of the bird kills as early as January 9th, when a horde of eagles flew into Philadelphia’s Lincoln Financial Field stadium and after struggling to stay alive, perished nonetheless. But according to Quarles, both the agency and the NFL did not expect to see the swath of fatality that affected so many birds this past weekend.
“January 9th was first perceived as a fluke,” said a distraught Quarles to reporters Monday, “but after this last weekend, it’s clear this is a much broader, deadlier situation. We know these deaths are connected, but we don’t know how. It’s not bird flu; it’s not viral and it’s not bacterial. And it certainly cannot be due to the outrageously predictable and repeatedly warned sense of cockiness some birds –particularly purple birds!– display when they are healthy and easily devouring their pray. So no, we can rule out overconfidence, too, obviously…It remains a total mystery.”
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