"Now this is bullshit I can believe in."

- George Will

Nation Remains Fixated On Missing Plane as Russia Finishes Annexing Alaska!

(ANCHORAGE, AK) —Emergency 9-1-1 call, March 19th, 8:09 AM, Anchorage time: “Hello! Yes, is this the White House…? The White House of the President of the United States…? Oh, thank God! Listen, there are Russian planes and tanks and troops in our...

Read more: Nation Remains Fixated On Missing Plane as Russia Finishes Annexing Alaska!

Obama to Appear on ‘Playboy TV’ to Promote HealthCare.gov

(LOS ANGELES) —A week after President Obama’s controversial appearance on the internet’s popular “Between Two Ferns” show, hosted by comedian Zach Galifianakis and produced by Funny or Die, it was announced Monday that Obama will be appearing on none other than Playboy TV’s hit show “Between....

Read more: Obama to Appear on ‘Playboy TV’ to Promote HealthCare.gov

Student Suspended for Calling Shooting at His School ‘‘Gay’’

(SAN DIEGO) —School officials and police are beside themselves today after a 16-year-old junior at San Diego’s Patrick Henry High School was caught saying a recent shooting at his school was “gay.”  The shooting, which occurred Monday, was allegedly....

Read more: Student Suspended for Calling Shooting at His School ‘‘Gay’’

Conservatives Descend on Nation’s Capital to Again Celebrate Their Complete Lack of Unity

(WASHINGTON) —The nation’s leading conservative politicians, activists and enthusiasts once again united in the nation’s capital Thursday to begin the three-day festival celebrating the disunities among each other that are currently plaguing their....

Read more: Conservatives Descend on Nation’s Capital to Again Celebrate Their Complete Lack of Unity

Government Now Classifying “Laziness” as a Disease, Requires Benefits

(WASHINGTON) —Following the American Medical Association’s advice, the Obama administration has officially classified laziness as a “disease”; a medical condition that affects millions of Americans and is on a steady rise....

Read more: Government Now Classifying “Laziness” as a Disease, Requires Benefits

Schools Ban Valentine’s Day’s Cupid, Say His Bow and Arrow ‘‘Promote Violence’’

(GREEN BAY, WI) —Start flapping your angelic wings, Cupid, and fly your match-making butt anywhere but in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The Green Bay public school board voted unanimously Wednesday to ban the display of Cupid, the ancient symbol of....

Read more: Schools Ban Valentine’s Day’s Cupid, Say His Bow and Arrow ‘‘Promote Violence’’

Seahawks Charged With ‘‘Bullying’’ Broncos, Super Bowl Victory Revoked!

(EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ) —Less than 24 hours after achieving one of the most lopsided victories in Super Bowl history, the National Football League stunned the nation by announcing it will be revoking the championship title from the Seattle Seahawks and...

Read more: Seahawks Charged With ‘‘Bullying’’ Broncos, Super Bowl Victory Revoked!

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