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Patients’ Privacy Under Obamacare to Be Safeguarded By Nigerian-Russian Cyber Company

 

by Diana Jameson, new DP intern,

Tuesday, October 29th, 2013,

(WASHINGTON) —When one looks up the words “privacy” and “cyber security” in the dictionary, one should not be surprised to see a photo of Nigeria and Russia next to them.  At least that is what the Obama administration’s sees.

     Among the government’s endless conga line of problems with its rollout of the Affordable Care Act’s enrollment website is that of cyber security and patient privacy.  Concerns over citizens’ personal information were heightened again last Thursday during a Congressional hearing on the massive flaws plaguing the ACA’s signup site, HealthCare.gov, which admits to being able —and willing— to share participants’ names, dates of birth, tax-return statements and Social Security numbers with numerous government agencies, including the IRS, Social Security Administration and Department of Homeland Security.

     But when it comes to this facet of Obamacare, the administration says Americans needn’t worry… particularly now.   The Department of Health and Human Services has hired the mainly Nigerian-owned cyber security company, Lamara, Oni & Leschenko Security, Inc.  (L.O.L. Security), to shield ACA participants’ most private, vital information from cyber attacks or hackers.  The White House hopes to alleviate enrollees' fears their personal information will not be misused by the federal government, but especially fall into the wrong hands, in the U.S. or abroad.

    Press Secretary Jay Carney told the White House press corps Tuesday that after realizing Americans’ intense unease with leaving such private information in the hands of the government and online, the administration has done its homework on the best cyber security firms in the world and has no doubt their choice for whom to protect Americans’ crucial information will not be regretted.

   “The Lamara, Oni and Leschenko Company has been nearly around since the first person typed in their Social Security or bank account numbers (on line),” Carney told reporters.   “They’ve been in the business of overseeing the most essential information of people’s lives since there practically was an Internet. …And besides, when it comes to cyber security, who can’t think of anyone better to handle that other than a company full of Nigerians and Russians working around the clock?  I know I sure can’t.”

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   It is an honor and a pleasure for his company to play such an important role of trust and protection in the personal lives of 300 million Americans, according to L.O.L. Security’s CEO and co-founder, Charles Lamara, a native of Nigeria's capital city of Abuja.  “…It’s certainly something we and our Russian partners could not be more serious about.  One can never be too careful in who they place their most personal information with to keep safe,” said Lamara via phone interview to Duh Progressive, Tuesday.   

     “We’ve been in the online security business for eighteen years,” Lamara added, “and by now when nations and international corporations need someone to protect their vital financial assets and personal information –particularly anything that could be to blackmail them– they know to turn to us.”

   And who couldn’t trust L.O.L. Security, Inc., with its small army of mostly young Russian computer/cyber experts working around the clock in various undisclosed locations in Nigeria, Libya, Kenya, Russia, Ukraine and Belarus?

   Indeed, L.O.L.’s list of previous clients is lengthy and impressive.  From national security and international trading secrets, national bank information, and corporations’ most treasured data, L.O.L. Security has provided iron-clad cyber security for nations such as Greece, Portugal, Zimbabwe, Italy, Spain, Haiti, Georgia, Ireland, and companies such as Northwest and TWA Airlines, General Motors, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, Enron, the Air America Radio Network, and even the city of Detroit —all stunning successes, according to L.O.L.’s Vice-President and co-owner, Ivan Leschenko, of Moscow.

     “We’ve safeguarded the biggest of the biggest and the best of the best, providing internet security for all sorts of clients,” Leschenko told the AP, Tuesday.  “And we couldn’t be more pleased to now be trusted with safeguarding the private information Americans must provide their government for its healthcare exchange program…which I have heard, is less than satisfactory so far.  But fear not —not any longer as far as keeping ‘Obama’s Care’s patients’ most private information out of any intrusive, malicious, dangerous hands.”

     “Americans enrolling in the ‘Barry Care’ program need no worries… Trust us,” added Leschenko. “We know cyber security.  Hell, we practically invented it!”

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