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OPINION: ''If Our Schools Don't Teach Our Children About Rim Jobs, Then Who Will?''

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    Imagine my shock the other day when my 9-year-old son asked me, “Dad, what’s a rim job?” We had just finished fighting over whose turn it was to play X-Box’s new Zombie Dingle Berries game when he just popped the question.

Well, what does a stay-at-home dad say to that?  I wanted to tell him how important rim jobs have become to human beings, how they have evolved over history, were once scorned and repressed and not tolerated by the religious right.   But today rim jobs have become as common as pumpkins on Halloween and American as apple pie.

I know my child will have to learn about these crucial aspects of human-to-human affection some day.  It’s just a matter of time.  But am I really the right one to tell my son, Chase, about such achievements in human sexuality as rim jobs, donkey punches, dirty sanchezes, and jelly donuts?   I think that question begets another question: what else are public schools for?  Reading, writing, and rimming –that’s how it ought to be.   If our school don’t teach our children about rim jobs, then who will?

But am I really the right one to tell my son about such achievements in human sexuality as ‘rim jobs’, ‘donkey punches’, ‘dirty sanchezes’, ‘jelly donuts,’ and 'double-reversed-cowgirls'?

This is not my responsibility as a father, and my own experiences of learning about rim jobs may be a little biased.  So I am arguing we should leave such matters to our paid educational professionals in our public school system.

I can’t explain it to Chase, and his mother is too busy with her full-time job at the court house to explain it to him.  We can let his peers only teach him so much, but eventually Chase has to be taught about rimming by paid, licensed professionals, and be taught correctly, properly.  Our public school teachers are the only ones qualified to teach our children about how to properly show affection by succulently moving their (DELETED BY STAFF) around (DELETED BY STAFF) and then shoving in the bud of (DELETED BY STAFF) and into (DELETED BY STAFF) over and over and over again until (DELETED BY STAFF) all over the place!

Until the government decides that rim jobs are their responsibility I’m afraid we’ve not come much further from the Dark Ages.

        —Sincerely,

           Lance Choi,

           Stay At Home Father, Tacoma Park, MD

 

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