Dear President Obama,
Mr. President, like, dude, my granddad died on Sunday! That’s right. When my aunt finally pulled him out of his tomato soup he wasn’t breathing and was dead. And I blame you, President Obama.
As many people know, so-called “street gangs” in Chicago have been in the news recently, more so than usual. We are being blamed for the current and skyrocketing violence in the city. This renewed attention to Chicago violence and its gangs have given us chances not only to express our concerns and demurs to police, but with the media’s heavy interest, we had an unprecedented opportunity to undo some long standing misrepresentations about who we are. And just like I said last week: we, the Chicago chapter of the Mara Salvatrucha social club (a.k.a. MS-13), are not “gangbangers.”
Dear First Lady Michelle Obama,
Today I woke up and went through a tragic and routine ordeal: I bashed myself in the head with a hammer.
I got out of bed, walked down to my closet, pulled out my tool box, produced a 12-ounce carpenter’s hammer, and wacked myself in the eyebrow with it forcefully. I fell down, blood poured everywhere. After a few minutes of seeing stars the bleeding stopped, and I was able to bandage myself up and head to work. But the sad thing is, Mrs. Obama: that is the third time this month that I’ve beaten myself in the head with a hammer.
I am responding to your story titled "Student's ‘Gross’ Opinion Plunges College Diversity Class into Chaos," (click the link, it's most terrifying) about the young lady at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst whose opinion caused such turmoil on their campus last week. I totally agree with the university’s handling of the affair, and wish to see the young “lady”, Ms. Dillon, academically disciplined and also serve time behind bars (no more than a few years).