Dear Friends and Ditto-Heads,
I am finally gaining the strength to apologize for not being on the air for the week of June 8 through June 12.
Unlike my usual reasons for why I routinely take leave from the E.I.B. Network, this last absence of mine was neither usual or in any way pleasurable. I again humbly thank Mark Steyn, Buck Sexton, Rodger Hedgecock, and Erick Erickson for filling in for me during that week. I am also apologizing in advance, because there is no telling when I may take leave next, or for how long. And this is because... man, this is so difficult to say, but I must... is because I have been too busy contemplating committing suicide after seeing on Sunday, June the 7th, that the conservative/libertarian‒leaning satirical website, DuhProgressive.com, was no longer in production.
Cross-cultural love can be a tricky thing. It can be a torrid, steamy, passion-filled extravaganza between two people whose ethnic and cultural differences strangely propel them to know each other in the most wildest and intimate of ways. They also can be quite frustrating, and in the end they can fail as simply and sadly as any other relationship.
So it is to my great lament that today, just days after we ended our freshman year together, I must report that things between my Muslim girlfriend and me just haven’t been the same since her family beat her to death two weeks ago in an “honor killing”.
Dear Christians Around the World,
Before anything else, I must apologize to the First Family of the United States’ and all their guests who attended their annual White House Easter Egg Roll, which I attended, as always, on Monday, April the 6th. As many of you know, there was an incident and controversy that took place during the annual White House “Easter Egg Roll” celebration when hundreds of children, participating in the Easter egg hunt portion of the day’s activities discovered hundreds of plastic Easter eggs not containing candy or small gifts, but quotes from the Islamic Quran and the Hadith.
My Fellow Americans,
In my last days as your Attorney General I cannot help but reflect on my time as your top law enforcement officer, specifically the last year as your AG.
I’m saddened that my last year in office was marred in controversies involving police-involved shootings and deaths of predominately young African-American men. We all know what I’m talking about. Naturally these tragic incidents not only revealed existing racism of law enforcement towards the Black community, but racist feelings in general across America. My last year in office exposed to me how deeply racist attitudes still exist in our supposedly great nation, but also how we, as Americans, can proceed in eradicating racism from our culture once and for all. And I, your soon-to-be former Attorney General, have the greatest idea of how to erase racism from or society.
Fellow Americans and People of France,
First, allow me to express my deepest sympathies at the tragedy that struck the people of France on Wednesday, January 7th, and then on Friday, January 9th. Seventeen families are now without sons, daughters, parents, brothers and sisters, and we in the U.S. and its Congress join the people of France in mourning and unity.
Freedom of speech was also attacked on January 7th by cowards who lack the maturity and tolerance to allow anything they find sacrilegious to be said. These attackers in Paris were Islamic extremists, which leaves them on a unfortunately growing list of smaller, less coordinated attacks by Islamic extremists around the world ever since 9/11. And as can be expected, there will be