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- Rev. Jeremiah Wright

COMMENTARY: ''With Our Economy Verging on a Double-Dip Recession, It May Be Time to Smoke Some Blunts and Smack Some Hoes''

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    Yo, what up, G? It’s Snoop. I’ve been just chill-axin, as usual, but also doing some traveling, too. I’ve been ridin’ around the country and speakin’ to the peeps. And let me tell you: it’s bad out there, G...economy still all crazy. There’s no less cause to worry about our economy then there was a year ago, and people are thinkin’ things may still get worse. Yeah, Dog, I’m talkin’ about the dreaded “double-dip” recession here.

   But before I talk solutions, let’s look at the facts:

   Poverty rates came out at a shocking 14.3% last week, nearly JFK era levels. Also, peeps in the U.S. are foreclosing on houses more last year than in 2008, with no sign of slowing in 2010, either.

   Meanwhile, trust overseas keeps falling, too. The Shanghai Daily said last week the U.S. is more in danger of slipping into Recession 2.0 than ever (all while China gobbled up 12% more major foreign contracts than in 2009, with three months left in this year). The Daily Telegraph says that America’s economy is still teetering on the edge of a double-dipper, the same as the UK. The dollar rises a bit against the Euro only to fall against the Yuan and Yen.

    Jobless rates remain stuck around 10%, with the private sector hardly budging. Unemployment claims refuse to fall and state governments are cutting any job they believe can be sacrificed. Middle and upper classes are bracing for the Bush tax cuts to expire and the reimplementation of the Estate Tax (a.k.a. Death Tax) that will further reduce investment, and therefore optimism.

Image     As for investing, nation-wide newspapers and Bloomberg News recently reported savings accounts are growing at a pace far greater than investments in stocks, IRAs, and mutual funds. Families are spending much less in both cash and credit. People are realizing that an economy cannot easily adjust from gulping down exorbitance to sipping on frugality, making a double-dip recession even more likely. Peeps be scared —damn scared.

    I’ve traveled around the nation, meeting with ordinary people, and peeps are still stressed and scared. And this is why it may be a good time for some good old fashioned blunt smokin’ and ho smackin’!

    You heard me right: with the economy verging on a double-dip recession, it may be a good time to smoke some blunts and smack some hoes.

    Studies have shown that a great way to alleviate economic fear is to light up some reliable old Jamaican Red and put some mouthy ho in her place with a good whack or two. It feels great and restores a sense of confidence; confidence that can go towards re-investing all that dough Americans are stuffing under their mattresses. There’s no sense of calamity some fat, reeking blunt and an unruly ho backhanded cannot cure.

Image     Darryl Calhoun, an auto body shop owner I met in Little Rock, Arkansas last week agreed with me, saying some Tijuana Loco Leaf and a firm hand across the face of his local ho convinced him to hire some much needed help around his shop (boom, a job is created!)

    Betsy Mattox, a hotel receptionist in Monrovia, Texas, reports that smacking her local dumpster skank and then smoking her cannabis-stuffed Phillies blunt did not provide the same economic relief as did first smoking her blunt, and then smacking a ho (hence it should be done in that order). But whataya know…the very next day Betsy found out she and her husband qualified for a new 30 year mortgage on their home; something almost unheard of in their neighborhood today.

    In Maryland, Baltimore Executive Jim Smith had finally decided his county needed to cut 40 positions from its work crews and court staff. Image But after an evening at a local Motel 6, with the blunts-a-puffin and the hands-a-whackin’, Mr. Smith soon realized he can still keep those 40 employees while balancing the county’s budget –jobs saved, lives kept intact, and all because of some good Canadian Green and the ability to let a scabies-ridden ho know where she stands.

    Lastly, Nevada prostitute Candy Kneels was on the streets, in more ways than one. She hadn’t had a client for days, thus had to resort to smoking some blunts and smacking herself! But nonetheless, her business is a boomin’!

   All across the country, from local politicians to the humble housewife, the peeps be seein’ that smoking some blunts and smackin’ some hoes is exactly what they need to feel happy, relaxed, and confident to go back out into the American economy again like they use to. For with confidence comes prosperity. I tell ya’, Dog, shit’s gonna get kickin’ again, and we can make it out of this double-dip thing, one blunt and ho at a time.

—Keepin It Real,

   Snoop

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