Dear America, can we please get our pending apocalyptic race war over with by the time the new season of AMC’s The Walking Dead comes back on? C’mon, please? Pretty please? …Sugar on top?
Seriously, AMC’s The Walking Dead is without a doubt the best show on television, and would be most preferable to watch without some pesky nationwide race war erupting outside on the streets while it’s on.
In recent weeks the fallout from the Trayvon Martin shooting has driven our national discord and race relations to a feverish pitch not experienced since the Los Angeles riots, and it’s getting pretty scary. From the bombasts of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, to the headlines (which are never misconstrued) on the Drudge Report, to CNN, MSNB.S., to the flame stoking on The Blaze, to congressional Democrats, to the New Black Panthers, to…hell, need I mention more? Why, Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly said late last week that due to this Florida shooting America now teeters on the brink of racial strife perhaps not witnessed since MLK’s assassination. Certainly O’Reilly was speaking of the heartfelt sentiments of the country only, of course, and in no way was inadvertently stirring them for the sake of ratings (just like Al Sharpton has only been addressing the concerns of Trayvon Martin’s family that in no way rapes their son’s death for his own gain/promotion).
So, recognizing that feelings between Whites, Blacks and Hispanics have not sunk to levels this low in recent memory, it would only make sense that if we are to have some sort of renewed race war in American we at least get it over with by the time The Walking Dead resumes this fall. So come on Sharpton, Jackson, O’Reilly, Neo Black Panthers, ABC, NBC, CNN, Matt Drudge, Spike Lee, Blaze, Breitbart.com… I’m calling on you all to take the gloves off and really go after those self-serving promos and Nielson ratings. Enough with the mealy-mouth b.s. Just flat-out command us to engage in full-fledged racial warfare as soon as possible –the fall premier of The Walking Dead is approaching faster than we think, after all, and I just can’t bear the thought of wading through my favorite TV show while there are race-fueled beatings, looting and murders occurring outside in the streets. Christ, what a nuisance that would be!
Adding to our already incendiary racial climate is the distinct possibility of Barack Obama losing his re-election. I have heard rumors throughout the blogosphere and on Facebook over the past months that Obama’s defeat could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back (oh no, now I’ve brought Arabs into the mix by mentioning camels. Shit, I’m so sorry!) on race relations, and will touch off a firestorm of ethnic hostilities not seen in decades. So if Obama’s defeat, combined with a post-Trayvon climate does spark all-out racial violence in America, do you know when that will happen..? –right in the middle of the third season of The Walking Dead ! Election Day is November 6th, after all, smack in the middle of the season for TV’s #1 zombie apocalypse show. Have any of you race-baiting, self-serving celebrity sluts (oh God, now I’ve brought up Sandra Fluke –damn it, my apologies) ever considered how inconvenient a race war would be while I’m trying to engross myself in the fate of Rick, Carl, Lori, Daryl, Glenn, and the rest of The Walking Dead cast? Come on American media, show some consideration, will ya?!
It is going to be a long, hot summer, folks. This spring is already hotter than normal, and for all the wrong reasons. And those reasons aren’t going away any time soon. The shooting of the supposedly angelic Trayvon Martin has brought us to a fevered pitch. All too far and all too long ago has the Martin shooting surpassed the potential (yes, possible) fact that it may have been the result of a split-second overreaction of an overly vigilant cop wanna-be, and dwindled into the sleazy, kitsch, but albeit eye-popping, ratings-hording racially-charged sensation it has become.
But who cares about facts? Who cares about the justice system –that we all know still might as well be controlled by Bull Connor himself– ferreting out this inflammatory episode? Who cares about George Zimmerman’s 46 calls to 9-1-1 in the year leading up to the February 26th killing, or his and Trayvon Martin’s criminal records? Who cares that the greatest threat to America’s Trayvon Martins still remains other Trayvon Martins (young black males)? Who cares about…ahh, hell, who cares –there’s a an unexplored tragedy to exploit, television ratings to be gained, website hits to rack up, and an all-American, fun-filled racial war to be had… So fuck it, I say! Let’s ramp up the rhetoric even further, dear media, and have our nationwide racial bloodshed now, rather than later (i.e. before The Walking Dead comes back on).
Writer, Producer, Creator Person
P.S. The Walking Dead, a show about ordinary people trying to survive in the wake of a zombie apocalypse, is one best left undisturbed by the consequences of flame stoking by our media whores and race rapists, like Al Sharpton. The Walking Dead features a mishmash of strangers uniting to fend off attacks by zombies who have only one thing on their (dead) minds: eating human flesh. The zombies do not think. They react. Their actions are reflexive. They see a living human and go after it, desiring its meat. Thus is the extent of their motivations and mission in life/death. This scenario makes me question: is America in a Walking Dead world right now? Are the majority of us, regardless of race, living in this zombieland where we’re fending off the attacks by race whores like Sharpton and Jackson, while at the same time fending against the ever-squeezing irrationality of publicity hounds like MSNBC, Drudge Report (which I do love, save for these instances; so consider this a “love tap,” Matt, if your eyes ever find their way to this piece), CNN, Fox News, et al? The “publicity hounds” standing for The Walking Dead’s “Shane” character, who although provided great strength and uncomfortable practicality to the survivors, eventually grew crazed with power and became as great a threat to them as the zombies.
Is America hopelessly trapped between the zombies and the Shanes? Can we not escape? Are those who point to Trayvon’s criminal past and photos of him with tattoos and flipping the bird and, however subtly, say, “See? He was a thug and probably earned what he got” going to continue to crush us against the other side who says, “See? Dead black kid, non-black perpetrator, obviously a case of racism. America is so horrible!”?
So this is where we are…still? A century and a half after slavery, 57 years after Rosa Parks, 47 years after the Civil Rights Act…after all the bussing, affirmative action, cultural acceptance of Ebonics, Willie Horton, Rodney King, O.J. Simpson’s vastly accepted guilt, this…this…is where we still are? People being tried in the media because their ethnicities (may have) played a part in a tragic shooting? Because the popular dress and comportment of a group of people of a certain race, gender and age have become the unfortunate but overwhelming trademark appearance of those of their group who are indeed criminals, and who would have been scouring that Florida neighborhood for any reason except trying to find their home –but yet we can’t point that out, because hey, that’d be racist)?
Really, is this where we still are –trapped between the zombies (Sharptons) and the Shanes (Drudges)? Are you f—king kidding me?
You know what; forget the damn Walking Dead show. Why wait until October for a show about fictional zombies when we just can turn on the news right now?